Random Rambling 2

I like the way my Random Rambling posts come about to me. They are nothing but the thinking of my hands. Yes, my hands and not my brain. If I were to think by my brain, I'd give a thought a thought and then some more thought to make it sound interesting and add a thought provoking example to make it more thoughtful. Yes, brain-power is complicated. I guess there is still an on-going research on how a brain actually functions. Scientists have still not found out what it is in the brain that "thinks". I think the Brain is really smart. Scientists found out how the universe originated, right? How did they do it? They used their Brain. They invented vaccinations against several diseases using their Brain. Their Brain works on other people when it comes to interpreting the behaviour of a criminal or a dyslexic child. To cut the meandering short, the Brain can decode anything and anyone. But it can't decode itself. Can you cut your own hair? I think not; you need to go to a salon for that. Can you give a massage to yourself? No! Hence, probably even a scientist will be unable to unravel the mysteries of the Brain by using his own brain. We work not because of the Brain, but we are the Brain. So it is little dorky of us to probe the brain and try to understand it. (Almost) everything in this universe is within the analytical realms of our Brain. If it is so smart a thing, why would it analyse itself? Can we design a robot which can un-assemble itself to scratch and then restore itself back again to its working-self? I think the Brain is just too brainy to come out in the open within the grasp of the lewdly ambitious scientists. For that I think we need avail the services of some extra-terrestrial being or someone without a brain and something else in its place. There! Case Closed! Either my brain is dead and smelly like a fossil to come up with crap like that or it is the representative leader of all the brains - smart and stupid - in the world, because it just saved them all from the exposure to the brainless humans.

Speaking of brains, I say people must start using them while giving their opinions. An Opinion is one thing that is the most wrongly priced commodity in today's times and it also does not depend in any way on the inflation index. One person's Opinion can be precious; it can change the way others think. Other person's opinion can be useless. Take a newspaper poll, for example. If Pakistan is tampering with its missiles (obtained from US) and targeting them on India, why should the common people be asked for their opinion on whether it is safe or unsafe? It is a stupid question in the first place. Why not share with us the opinion of the Indian and American nuclear scientists and (brainy) politicians? The newspaper did write about it, I don't deny. It's just that I care more for the opinion of such people... who are inside the loop. I don't think my opinion would have been influenced in anyway by the results of the poll. A minority did say in the poll that it is not a matter of concern, while a majority said it is. Does that mean, that our concern should be heightened or lowered by the percentage division of these polls? Can we say, 'Eh! There's a 24% chance that it's nothing dangerous, we need not worry'? or 'Oh my god! there is a 98% chance we can be struck with their missile, I hope the 2% chance turns out to be true.'? NO! We can't say stuff like that because like it or not, there's a missile dangling loosely above your head, we better not fiddle with it or it might just go - BOOM! In this case, it is the useless opinion that is asked for. I am intelligent enough to form a conclusion by myself and do not need an opinion of someone who is as stupid as me to support it. Worse than this are those who vote for 'can't say'! What kind of opinion is that? If you don't know what 'you can say' then just don't vote, as simple as that. It's but an Opinion wasted. Anyways, this is my opinion about Opinion and I don't want anyone's opinion about it.

A Pure-Blood or a Muggle?

If there's anything that irks a Harry Potter fan, it is those people who claim they are "HP fans" too because "they have seen all the movies, and find Emma Watson really hot". These are the morons, desperate to be counted amongst the in-crowd, who have not read even a single book of the series but try to jump onto the bandwagon when the Harry Potter rage sweeps the world (in the form of a book or a movie release). The basic differences between a true Harry Potter fan and a wanna-be fan/non-reader are these:

1. The true fans have read all the books and are crazier about the book than the movie.

2. If the adaptation of the book to the movie is not perfect, the true fans frown upon it. The phoney ones are just happy with the amount of special effects and Hermione's length of role in the movie. Even then, the true fans do like the movie, because after all, it's a Harry Potter Movie and a standard visualisation to their imagination.

3. The true fans separate themselves from the wanna-be's by calling themselves pure-blooded and the wanna-be's, Muggles. But among themselves they dare not call each other even pure-blooded because that's a premise of only the magical world.

4. For the true fans a Harry Potter movie is different from any usual English movie. And they hate it if a critic (who's most of the times a non-reader) rates the movie as any other English movie. They believe it's none of the Muggles' business to give their opinion about Harry Potter as only their own opinion matters the most and is exclusive.

5. The true fans understand an insiders' joke in the movie, while the phoney laugh along as and when the audience laughs.

6. The true fans are peeved when Michael Gambon dramatically brandishes his wand, unnecesarily. The lesser-witted ones are awed by his style.

7. The true fans know who Michael Gambon played in the movie. The wanna-be's are clueless.

8. Some of the true fans start a countdown many days before the release of the movie. Those who don't sheepishly admit that they didn't think of starting one, but admire the mania of their brethren. The Muggles ask the pure-blooded "kaunsa part aa raha hai" and take their girl/boy friends to the movie. The fans obviously watch the movie with their like-minded friends only.

9. A real fan will be physically annoyed when Ron's character acts like a joker in the movie reduced to a mere side-kick to the brave Harry and the intelligent Hermione. They know the real Ron in the book is actually a fiercely loyal friend to Harry and someone who always loved Hermione and no one else (unlike the way Harry had a serious thing for Cho) and not just a friend to be a butt of all jokes and embarrassments in the movie. The wanna-be fans will laugh at Ron and will not realise that most of Ron's important dialogues from the book are blabbered by Emma Watson.

That was that, now decide which camp you belong to.

What's in the Name? Dude, Everything!

What's in the name, you ask? Well, I'd say Shakespeare had no sense of sound-vision synchronisation. I was mighty pissed off by the unnecessary and juvenile brouhaha over naming of the newly made sea-link on the Bombay seaside. To be frank I really liked the name The Bandra-Worli Sea Link or just The BWSL. It suits the structure. Take a look at it once, I mean, really take in the majestic view of it standing in the sea. Although it's not some haute couture architectural feat, it's certainly got a definitive style that suits Mumbai. When I saw a picture of the grey python stretching across the sea, belittling the sun behind and rooted firmly in the matching dirty grey waters of the Arabian, the first word that escaped me was 'wicked!' It is a thorough masculine work of construction with no hint of art and beauty. It has got that rugged look that only an engineer devoid of an artistic instinct can give it's baby creation. It's not painted red or yellow or blue on the advice of some nancy designer or astrologer (who, btw, are dime a dozen here) to supposedly represent the spirit or energy of Mumbai, but it has been left as it is - raw and bare - to camouflage itself with the waters in which it stands sturdily and promisingly.

After this description, what name can one think fits aptly for such a structure? For me The BWSL sounds coolly perfect and so international (I dunno why, but it reminds me of YSL). Of course the article 'The' should be there; it adds to the uniqueness. But no! that is not the same way our politicians look at that structure, apparently. Sharad Pawar, being a perfect toe-licker to Sonia G, wanted it to be named after the Rajiv Gandhi. Omni-farter motormouth Raj Thackeray wanted to name it after Jyotirao Phule or Shahu Maharaj or the Dalit leader Dr Ambedkar.

Now I adequately respect Pawar and Thackeray. I support the latter's ideology and trust the former's intellect as our Agricultural Minister. But I do not endorse their sense of style. OK fine, Rajiv Gandhi was an idol for the youth and will always remain so. Hence, it is rightly an honor to name an award after him and give it to extremely talented individuals. And after all, even a name, especially of a highly honoured man, has a value which depreciates because of over-familiarity. And the name Rajiv Gandhi relates to youth power and reformation (he was the one who ushered in the IT revolution in India). I wouldn't vote for the sea-link to be named after him with all due respect.

And with even extra respect than what is due, just to evade the ire of the sensitive, I would rather vote against the sea-link being named after Jyotirao or Shahu Maharaj or Ambedkar. I see the structure the way I have described above. It's a fixation for me I daresay. Looking up at it, it commands awe and amazement, and hence certainly deserves a name suitable in the same manner. I consider it a sacrilege of the masculinity and a snubbing to the architect's creation if a humongous work of passion, which is also crucial infrastructural achievement, is named Shahu Maharaj Setu or Phule Pool or something tacky of that sort. It's a sea-link for heaven's sake, not a bridge! And how would it sound in an international city like Mumbai where property prices are amongst the highest five in the world, if the sea-link is named after the beacon of the Dalits, Ambedkar? I can even imagine the Dalits swarming the sea-link on Ambedkar jayanti, disrupting the traffic. It's a fat chance that that might happen, but if the tactless ex-CM could introduce chatt poojas in Mumbai, such a fiasco is not beyond imagination.

Anyway, I just hope the foul name-game dies down within a short time, and the people themselves unofficially name it as The Bandra-Worli Sea Link.

The Titanic (the ship) made history with its size that stretched into robust vanity. The vessel was christened as it was, titanic. It wasn't named Queen Elizabeth or Queen Mary. It was named Titanic! The point is that the name does influence how you perceive a particular thing or a person. Probably the ship wouldn't have been as breath-taking had it been called by some other common name. There is a lot in a name. It decides the brand value. It plays with one's involuntary senses when one hears it or says it or reads it and projects an impression that lingers around the object like an aura.

Shakespeare: What's in the name? A rose by any other name would smell as sweet!
The Blithering Idiot: Rubbish! It would have been impossible to visualise Romeo and Juliet as romantic had they been called Ted and Lucy instead.

Lord Kill the Pain

Unfortunately, my last visit to my old dentist had scarred me for life when it comes to experiencing some pain, especially dental. It was few months before my 10th standard examination, in the summer of 2005, when I had to undergo a root canal treatment. To cut out the details and coming to the point I will describe what I had to go through. OK, she had the cavity cleaned and drilled up to her content to expose all the nerves. The way she described how the infection reaches the nerves made me picture some wriggling worms, sticking out of my pre-molar tooth, which had to be stuffed inside. With every little stroke that she took to clean up the inside of the tooth, it was not just paining but stinging intolerably. I had dug all my nails in the arm rest of the chair. A random and frantic glance at her nonchalant countenance teasingly conveyed to me that painlessness can be bliss. Then it was time for the horrific incident that physically brings back a faint sensation of the feeling even now, giving me goosebumps. The dentist said that she would have to administer the local anesthesia to stop the pain. She produced an injection with a huge needle, bent the needle by almost a right angle in front of my eyes, a bit threateningly and heartlessly, I thought. Looking at the needle itself the throbbing had risen to a higher level. I can’t help being a little exaggerated here, but the lady rammed the needle in the tooth, pinned my forehead down against the headrest, and continued with her injecting. I was twitching I think, though don’t remember it, but my head was held steady by her strong grip which was equally strong while working on the tooth too. I wanted to scream, but restrained myself and spared her the unnecessary drama. When she retrieved, the throbbing now had surged to head which was also in pain. She gave me some time to recover and the anesthesia to have its effect. And then after that, the further process was painless but that is not the point… the point is that it was freakin’ painful!

P.S. Prefer a dentist with a smile on his/her face and a pink wallpaper.

Random Rambling 1

Typing anything before your mind makes a decision is sort of tough. But these days, I had taken a break from reading Ayn Rand's Atlas Shrugged to read some business book, and my linguistic skills took a nasty blow in the derriere. One might wonder what that has got to do with linguistic skills, but I'll say, hey man, that's got a great deal to do with it, and I mean it. First of all, using such cuss language along with the words 'linguistic skills' itself is gross. In short, let me explain, when you are reading a book with sophisticated English, it sort of rubs into you and your usage of language reflects that. The business book that I had to read was good in content but abysmal in language. Americans really can't speak classy-ly even to save their lives. Well, speaking about language anyways, I read this in Readers' Digest long time back: There was this person who had traveled in various countries, and had particularly observed the 'no smoking' signs posted in buses in those countries. Now I don't remember all the signs he had mentioned, but because of stark contrast I do remember the American and the British signs. The American buses request the passengers by saying, 'Please do not smoke', while the British buses say, 'You are graciously requested to refrain from smoking.' Nice isn't it? Or as the British would probably put it, 'Certainly the most impeccable way to make you point cleah!' (That h is on purpose OK)

An important point to remember while typing random stuff is that you should never mention it too often that you are being random, as the fun lies in being understated. Ah, understated! Whatever happened to being understated? People these days are so in-your-face and naked! Sheesh! I am talking about the reality shows that are mushrooming up these days. If the cheap dance-shows and stand-up comedians are not enough, people are interchanging the places of contestants in these two shows. The children are trying to be stand-up comedians. And boy are these brats so cheap! They think they are funny because they crack some slimy jokes which can tingle the funny bone of only a pan wallah in a roadside tapri, but the judges laugh at their jokes, guffaw to be exact. But why won't they? If you are an out-of-work loser of an actor or some politician/sportsperson with criminal record and if you are being payed a hefty amount, you'd laugh even at your own mother! The rural imports a.k.a. stand-up comics, on the other hand are trying to shake their body to Bollywood music in what can only be assumed as some Hallowe'en costumes. The breed of judges is the same here. Analogically, talent plays no role in either judging or contesting. Throw in some tawdry melodrama and people from the wrong side of the tracks will scrub you some measly TRPs. One buxom lady, it is heard, is also gonna arrange a wedding for herself on the TV, right from the groom hunting. She shall not be mentioned on my blog for obvious reasons of maintaining the C-Quotient, but let me hint you that all about her is not real and her image (figurative & literal) commits a sacrilege of her first name. I watched one episode of Paris Hilton's reality show, Paris Hilton's New BFF. That show surpasses the boundaries of being dumb and our desi contestants, against the ones on their show, suddenly appear so dignified and brimming with self-respect. Why would anyone on this earth want to race with others to become someone's supposed best friend? According to Paris, she's had lots of best friends but some didn't last while some did, (duh!) so she was in search of a new one now (sic). That proves one thing though, you can't survive on moderation in this world. Either you gotta be supernova intelligent, with IQ double your weight, or nerve searingly stupid with IQ equal to the number of fingers on your left hand which should've been through an accident, only then can you be so rich that people would find whatever you do as cool... or in Paris's style: hawt.

OK, I have rambled a lot. Trying to cut the size of my posts these days. The B. I. says: Just think random, and probably you'll find the missing link. Thank you very much.

P. S. I have not used 'Backspace' even once while writing this post to maintain the authenticity of the Randomness. It's been used though only to correct spelling errors. Don't like 'em on my blog, OK.

The Idle Masturbation of a Jobless Mind

Boredom... I dunno why, but I consider it to be a state of mind more blissful than sleep. Not the plain boredom though, but severe boredom, when you have absolutely no idea about what you want to do. You just sit there staring in the blank space. These lines written till now are forced out despite boredom. God! I didn't know I could suck so much... even as I write I have absolutely no idea where I am going to end up or what I am gonna write on. Twice already I have used three dots which show an indefinite end to ideas leaving them hanging in the air.

That was so irrelevant and unrelated.

After 10 minutes... I browsed through my friends list on Orkut profile. I realised I had added some just because they sent me a request and I have to bump into them more than one time in a week. I deleted them nevertheless. I like to keep only my friends close to me, not some acquaintances. I have some friends in my list who have more than 1000 'Orkut friends'. Talk about quality and quantity, eh!

I don't like anybody to hover behind me while I am sitting at the computer. I know they may not be trying to read what is there on screen (even though its nothing censurable) but what the heck... I am goddamn bored, I can make any kind of statements as far as I am not asking them to follow it. Should I do that, I will get a smack on my head from behind itself and the next thing I come to know my internet connection will be terminated. Hmph, shtupid parents!

There are some people who you can't help but hate from the first sight itself. I don't know why, but there have been couple of people I cannot stand whatsoever. Karma, incompatible aura, bad vibes, negative feelings, preconceived notions - call it whatever you want to, even though your best friends may get along well with them, you won't be able to do so with this one particular person. I like to think of such people when I am bored and hate them in peace... without judging myself or caring enough about negativity and all. One blissful advantage of boredom: you are too drunk on it to be introspective.

One thing which escapes my limited intelligence is why people act so "oversmart" when it comes to the freaking values and traditions? Now, bored or sane, I always hated these self-proclaimed Moral Police. One such incident which pissed me off was that Akshay Kumar's unbuttoning jeans episode at a fashion show (his wife unbuttoned his jeans on the ramp). This guy slapped a case on Kumar and his wife for indecency. First of all, this show was never formally aired on television, it's pictures appeared in newspapers and some clips were shown on entertainment channels. And I am pretty sure this sata-savatra bastard was not the one attending that show either that his nuts interchanged their places on the spot because of the "show of indecency". It is the people like him who are so cheap that to bask in the 15 seconds of fame they target any person. Now I am no die-hard fan of Kumar or his wife or anything, but I just hate such morons. I mean, c'mon dude, how jobless could you get? I can picture: he must have sat in front of TV one evening, with his wife and kids, watching some C-grade Hindi news channel where these equally loser of people show news in a cheap way. And his little chunnu-munnu might've got their first dose of kinkiness in the presence of their parents who might be squirming in their seats due to embarrassment. No wonder he filed a case against them.

Inference: When bored, do whatever you want to, and think about its consequence later: The Blithering Idiot.

(Shut up and let me go by The Ting Tings:
I ain't freaking I ain't fakin this
I ain't freaking I ain't fakin this
I ain't freaking I ain't fakin this
Just shut up and let me go!)