March 24, 2009

Oh Paris, La Paris!

For those of you who don't know Paris or don't follow her news it would be futile in a way to read this post because you won't be able to grasp the humour. And if you do read it, watch the video too, cuz that's like half the insanity that is this post.

Paris Hilton is hot!

Paris is like one of the most famous as well as notorious celebrity in the U.S. of A. She's the usual dumb blonde rich bitch who can't display even traces of intelligence to save her life. But even then her hot looks and fashion style(?!) have divided the people who know her into two: those who hate her and those who just adore her. What is very interesting to observe about this specimen is her survival in this world amongst people with IQ level equal to her number of dresses. For her everything is hot, and by hot I mean: hawt! For a woman who socialises so much it is hard to believe that the only word she can describe good things with is hawt!

One of her quotes:
I think it's important for girls to be confident. Believe in yourself and ... everybody's hot.

Apart from acting on the reality shows Paris Hilton's BFF(wtf!) and The Simple Life (which is not aired any more) and a couple of movies, and singing some songs, she also earns her income from letting people partying with her. It's apparently called the Paris Hilton Party and she charges people (more than $100) to be her guests. And how do you think she entertains them as a hostess? She just makes a brief appearance on the stage or whatever, and says, 'Wooohooo, hey there guys, how's everyone doin? I want you to rock this party! Dance it up, cuz you are so hawt!' And that's it. That's all the 'guests' get to see of her in the Paris Hilton Party.

Being so incredibly dumb, she's got some unique style statement though. Designers love her only cuz she's the most visible person in all the events. And this dumb-sel loves her designer wears so much that she fears losing them to someone:
Kaballah helps you confront your fears. If a girl borrowed a dress from me, didn't return it to me and if I saw her wearing it, I will confront her.

The only rule is don't be boring and dress cute wherever you go. Life is too short to blend in.

But this one is unusually witty of Paris:
Every woman should have four pets in her life. A mink in her closet, a jaguar in her garage, a tiger in her bed and a jackass who pays for it all. :)

She's been the heiress to the Hilton empire but I guess her grandfather refused her the heirloom after her many sexcapades, publicly shameful behaviour and probably realising that she actually had an amoeboid brain. She had admitted that as a child she was like:

When I was a kid I had no idea I lived in a mansion. Then I went to a friend's house and I was like - "Oh".

A true heiress is never mean to anyone - except a girl who steals your boyfriend.

I don't want to be known as the granddaughter of the Hiltons. I want to be known as Paris.

It's OK to a certain extent when she talks to the entertainment media only. But then she blabbers on to anything that resembles a mic ('I don't think, I just walk') and when she does that, you really can't believe that a person can be so goddamn oblivious to an international crisis. Share holders had been reported to have committed suicides and Paris prances around giving her 'views' on the ubiquitous global recession:
Yeah, I heard it's around. I think everyone should wear happy colours.

I like it, ... but it's yellow, and I'm like, I didn't want yellow for my engagement ring.

Paris then bought a bubble-gum pink (urgh!) Bentley, and further customised it with a $283,ooo diamond encrusted dashboard.

(When asked about the British Prime Minister Tony Blair) Who? Oh he's like your president?... yeah, I dunno what he looks like.

This is Earth, isn't it hot?

(After her visit to Africa) South Africa was great! I also liked North Africa, East Africa and West Africa!

Her dating history is really in chapters! She hooks up with any rich guy she bumps into at pubs and parties and who she thinks is really hot! The funniest incident was when Paris was partying in the same club as Princes Harry and William and she tried to get nauddy (naughty) and flirt with William. But Will, being a royal gentleman, just talked to her and didn't fall for her (obviously). And she was all excited: Aren't the princes really hawt? We exchanged phone numbers! (Not true)

Some more:
I've only done it with, like, a couple of boyfriends. People think I sleep with everyone, but I'm not like that. I like kissing, but that's all I do. I'm not having sex for a year, I've decided. I'll kiss but nothing else.

I'd rather sit in bed and watch TV. All of my ex-boyfriends-of course, not Paris-would be like, 'What's the problem? You're so not sexual.'

Paris on her own image as a dumblonde:
I used to act dumb. That act is no longer cute. Now, I would like to make a difference ... God has given me this new chance.

I think I am a good role model.

It will work. I am a marketing genius.

Wal-mart... do they like make walls there?

Those cup-cakes still look good to me.

Now this one gets darn hilarious! During the US presidential race, John McCain had compared Barack Obama as a celebrity to the likes of Britney Spears and Paris Hilton and asked a question, 'Is he ready to lead?' Paris hit back at McCain with this video. She says stuff like, 'I am not promising anything like everyone else... I am just hot!' 'Thanks for the endorsement, white hair dude (McCain) and I wanna tell America that I'm like totally ready to lead' and then goes on in a detailed and professional solution to the economic and financial crisis to finally sign off with 'See you at the debate, bitches.'
Check it out in this vid:

And in this video, Paris takes herself a tad too seriously and promotes herself to America "get their butt off the chair and vote" her for the post of President. She doesn't however, do this through smart or brainy speeches but through a musical song-and-dance video. Watch it for more laughs than the previous ones as America's "commander in bikini" swears that "global warming is not that hot."


ArUn raFi said...

kudos to u to actually dg so much abt paris hiltonisms..
as dumb as a blonde can safely be removed by as dumb as paris!
and i thought bush was dumb..

Saadi said...

The only word I have for our not-so darling Paris is; Annoying!

When she launched herself in the music industry, I was like "Great! Just what we need...another no-brain, pretty face fame w***e!"

I'm glad it lasted for only a while!

And yeah, funny post! Good stuff!

Mukesh Kothiyal said...

u mst b jokin arnd dude!!!
nyways i've gt gud hysterical laugh for 5 min before commentin dis....thanks to u n to soooo dumb n howt paris!!

angel from heaven said...

I guess you are a Paris a hilton fan!!!
I love this quote
"Every woman should have four pets in her life. A mink in her closet, a jaguar in her garage, a tiger in her bed and a jackass who pays for it all. "

Gaurav Tārkar said...

Paris Update:

Huuuge! is the new "that's hot".

how was my test score? it was huge!


sour said...

loved your blog! paris hilton is hilarious and her show my new bff is so funny. You seem to be a big fan of her and you know every thing about her.Dint you mention about the famous sex tapes she featured in? anyway, our rakhi sawant is the desi hilton.

blogroll if you want to .

Sorcerer said...

loved reading your blog
Ya know..she also said.somethin for countering recession
that was to "wear happy colors"

Saurabh Panshikar said...

it was a gr8 read! paris is one of the ppl we love to hate!
this further proves you don need a brain to earn money!