December 18, 2009

The Simple Christmas

It was already eleven when Lock left the store. It was Christmas eve and he had to attend to several customers with their Christmas shopping that day. The store resembled an adorable shop from toy-land with strings of lights stretching along the walls and over the windows. They had a huge Christmas tree set right in the middle of the floor. It was grander than the last year's. Lock, the other assistants and the store-owner had decorated it together. At night, it looked so stunning through the windows that passers-by would actually come in to admire it.

When Lock stepped out in the December chill, he noticed the winter this year was less harsh. But it was cold enough to be a good company for his hot coffee at home. He was going to brew a steaming cup of coffee for himself, he had decided. The Christmas eve dinner at the store was filling; the store-owner had a good taste in wine.

That day Lock had bought a shiny Christmas tree star to place atop his Christmas tree. He was excited about it and he couldn't wait to show it to Lia. She would certainly love it. Their old one had to be powered by electricity and did not look much appealing. He was sure this one would light up the entire room on its own... and also Lia's eyes.

The living room looked warm in the glow of the Christmas tree. Lia had decorated the tree beautifully with colourful Christmas balls, light bulbs and tiny figurines of reindeer and a portly Santa Claus in a sledge. When Lock placed the new star at the top of the tree, it seemed as if Santa Claus with his entourage of reindeer were flying up towards it. He placed his gifts under the tree beside Lia's and looked around the room. He loved his home.

Lia had already dozed off in the bedroom while reading a book. Lock silently settled on the couch feeling the warm china cup and relishing the silent glow of the only ornament in the room: the Christmas tree. The warmth of the first draught that spread through his body was what he had longed for while walking back home.

Lia appeared at the living-room door.

'Hey, did I wake you up?' asked Lock.

'No, I was waiting for you. You seem to have had a long day.'

He nodded. Lia snuggled up with him in his arms.

'Try the coffee,' Lock offered. 'The beans are some new arrivals of the season at the store.'

'Mmm!' said Lia as she took a sip. 'They are perfectly roasted.'

A beep from his wristwatch told them it was midnight. It was Christmas. The glow of the new star now seemed magically radiant. He realised that it was the warmth of Lia against him that he had actually yearned for while walking back home.

'Happy Christmas, Lock,' whispered Lia, as she rested her head on his shoulders.

He lovingly kissed her hair, 'Happy Christmas, dearest.'

September 1, 2009

Random Rambling 2

I like the way my Random Rambling posts come about to me. They are nothing but the thinking of my hands. Yes, my hands and not my brain. If I were to think by my brain, I'd give a thought a thought and then some more thought to make it sound interesting and add a thought provoking example to make it more thoughtful. Yes, brain-power is complicated. I guess there is still an on-going research on how a brain actually functions. Scientists have still not found out what it is in the brain that "thinks". I think the Brain is really smart. Scientists found out how the universe originated, right? How did they do it? They used their Brain. They invented vaccinations against several diseases using their Brain. Their Brain works on other people when it comes to interpreting the behaviour of a criminal or a dyslexic child. To cut the meandering short, the Brain can decode anything and anyone. But it can't decode itself. Can you cut your own hair? I think not; you need to go to a salon for that. Can you give a massage to yourself? No! Hence, probably even a scientist will be unable to unravel the mysteries of the Brain by using his own brain. We work not because of the Brain, but we are the Brain. So it is little dorky of us to probe the brain and try to understand it. (Almost) everything in this universe is within the analytical realms of our Brain. If it is so smart a thing, why would it analyse itself? Can we design a robot which can un-assemble itself to scratch and then restore itself back again to its working-self? I think the Brain is just too brainy to come out in the open within the grasp of the lewdly ambitious scientists. For that I think we need avail the services of some extra-terrestrial being or someone without a brain and something else in its place. There! Case Closed! Either my brain is dead and smelly like a fossil to come up with crap like that or it is the representative leader of all the brains - smart and stupid - in the world, because it just saved them all from the exposure to the brainless humans.

Speaking of brains, I say people must start using them while giving their opinions. An Opinion is one thing that is the most wrongly priced commodity in today's times and it also does not depend in any way on the inflation index. One person's Opinion can be precious; it can change the way others think. Other person's opinion can be useless. Take a newspaper poll, for example. If Pakistan is tampering with its missiles (obtained from US) and targeting them on India, why should the common people be asked for their opinion on whether it is safe or unsafe? It is a stupid question in the first place. Why not share with us the opinion of the Indian and American nuclear scientists and (brainy) politicians? The newspaper did write about it, I don't deny. It's just that I care more for the opinion of such people... who are inside the loop. I don't think my opinion would have been influenced in anyway by the results of the poll. A minority did say in the poll that it is not a matter of concern, while a majority said it is. Does that mean, that our concern should be heightened or lowered by the percentage division of these polls? Can we say, 'Eh! There's a 24% chance that it's nothing dangerous, we need not worry'? or 'Oh my god! there is a 98% chance we can be struck with their missile, I hope the 2% chance turns out to be true.'? NO! We can't say stuff like that because like it or not, there's a missile dangling loosely above your head, we better not fiddle with it or it might just go - BOOM! In this case, it is the useless opinion that is asked for. I am intelligent enough to form a conclusion by myself and do not need an opinion of someone who is as stupid as me to support it. Worse than this are those who vote for 'can't say'! What kind of opinion is that? If you don't know what 'you can say' then just don't vote, as simple as that. It's but an Opinion wasted. Anyways, this is my opinion about Opinion and I don't want anyone's opinion about it.

July 21, 2009

A Pure-Blood or a Muggle?

If there's anything that irks a Harry Potter fan, it is those people who claim they are "HP fans" too because "they have seen all the movies, and find Emma Watson really hot". These are the morons, desperate to be counted amongst the in-crowd, who have not read even a single book of the series but try to jump onto the bandwagon when the Harry Potter rage sweeps the world (in the form of a book or a movie release). The basic differences between a true Harry Potter fan and a wanna-be fan/non-reader are these:

1. The true fans have read all the books and are crazier about the book than the movie.

2. If the adaptation of the book to the movie is not perfect, the true fans frown upon it. The phoney ones are just happy with the amount of special effects and Hermione's length of role in the movie. Even then, the true fans do like the movie, because after all, it's a Harry Potter Movie and a standard visualisation to their imagination.

3. The true fans separate themselves from the wanna-be's by calling themselves pure-blooded and the wanna-be's, Muggles. But among themselves they dare not call each other even pure-blooded because that's a premise of only the magical world.

4. For the true fans a Harry Potter movie is different from any usual English movie. And they hate it if a critic (who's most of the times a non-reader) rates the movie as any other English movie. They believe it's none of the Muggles' business to give their opinion about Harry Potter as only their own opinion matters the most and is exclusive.

5. The true fans understand an insiders' joke in the movie, while the phoney laugh along as and when the audience laughs.

6. The true fans are peeved when Michael Gambon dramatically brandishes his wand, unnecesarily. The lesser-witted ones are awed by his style.

7. The true fans know who Michael Gambon played in the movie. The wanna-be's are clueless.

8. Some of the true fans start a countdown many days before the release of the movie. Those who don't sheepishly admit that they didn't think of starting one, but admire the mania of their brethren. The Muggles ask the pure-blooded "kaunsa part aa raha hai" and take their girl/boy friends to the movie. The fans obviously watch the movie with their like-minded friends only.

9. A real fan will be physically annoyed when Ron's character acts like a joker in the movie reduced to a mere side-kick to the brave Harry and the intelligent Hermione. They know the real Ron in the book is actually a fiercely loyal friend to Harry and someone who always loved Hermione and no one else (unlike the way Harry had a serious thing for Cho) and not just a friend to be a butt of all jokes and embarrassments in the movie. The wanna-be fans will laugh at Ron and will not realise that most of Ron's important dialogues from the book are blabbered by Emma Watson.

That was that, now decide which camp you belong to.

July 2, 2009

What's in the Name? Dude, Everything!

What's in the name, you ask? Well, I'd say Shakespeare had no sense of sound-vision synchronisation. I was mighty pissed off by the unnecessary and juvenile brouhaha over naming of the newly made sea-link on the Bombay seaside. To be frank I really liked the name The Bandra-Worli Sea Link or just The BWSL. It suits the structure. Take a look at it once, I mean, really take in the majestic view of it standing in the sea. Although it's not some haute couture architectural feat, it's certainly got a definitive style that suits Mumbai. When I saw a picture of the grey python stretching across the sea, belittling the sun behind and rooted firmly in the matching dirty grey waters of the Arabian, the first word that escaped me was 'wicked!' It is a thorough masculine work of construction with no hint of art and beauty. It has got that rugged look that only an engineer devoid of an artistic instinct can give it's baby creation. It's not painted red or yellow or blue on the advice of some nancy designer or astrologer (who, btw, are dime a dozen here) to supposedly represent the spirit or energy of Mumbai, but it has been left as it is - raw and bare - to camouflage itself with the waters in which it stands sturdily and promisingly.

After this description, what name can one think fits aptly for such a structure? For me The BWSL sounds coolly perfect and so international (I dunno why, but it reminds me of YSL). Of course the article 'The' should be there; it adds to the uniqueness. But no! that is not the same way our politicians look at that structure, apparently. Sharad Pawar, being a perfect toe-licker to Sonia G, wanted it to be named after the Rajiv Gandhi. Omni-farter motormouth Raj Thackeray wanted to name it after Jyotirao Phule or Shahu Maharaj or the Dalit leader Dr Ambedkar.

Now I adequately respect Pawar and Thackeray. I support the latter's ideology and trust the former's intellect as our Agricultural Minister. But I do not endorse their sense of style. OK fine, Rajiv Gandhi was an idol for the youth and will always remain so. Hence, it is rightly an honor to name an award after him and give it to extremely talented individuals. And after all, even a name, especially of a highly honoured man, has a value which depreciates because of over-familiarity. And the name Rajiv Gandhi relates to youth power and reformation (he was the one who ushered in the IT revolution in India). I wouldn't vote for the sea-link to be named after him with all due respect.

And with even extra respect than what is due, just to evade the ire of the sensitive, I would rather vote against the sea-link being named after Jyotirao or Shahu Maharaj or Ambedkar. I see the structure the way I have described above. It's a fixation for me I daresay. Looking up at it, it commands awe and amazement, and hence certainly deserves a name suitable in the same manner. I consider it a sacrilege of the masculinity and a snubbing to the architect's creation if a humongous work of passion, which is also crucial infrastructural achievement, is named Shahu Maharaj Setu or Phule Pool or something tacky of that sort. It's a sea-link for heaven's sake, not a bridge! And how would it sound in an international city like Mumbai where property prices are amongst the highest five in the world, if the sea-link is named after the beacon of the Dalits, Ambedkar? I can even imagine the Dalits swarming the sea-link on Ambedkar jayanti, disrupting the traffic. It's a fat chance that that might happen, but if the tactless ex-CM could introduce chatt poojas in Mumbai, such a fiasco is not beyond imagination.

Anyway, I just hope the foul name-game dies down within a short time, and the people themselves unofficially name it as The Bandra-Worli Sea Link.

The Titanic (the ship) made history with its size that stretched into robust vanity. The vessel was christened as it was, titanic. It wasn't named Queen Elizabeth or Queen Mary. It was named Titanic! The point is that the name does influence how you perceive a particular thing or a person. Probably the ship wouldn't have been as breath-taking had it been called by some other common name. There is a lot in a name. It decides the brand value. It plays with one's involuntary senses when one hears it or says it or reads it and projects an impression that lingers around the object like an aura.

Shakespeare: What's in the name? A rose by any other name would smell as sweet!
The Blithering Idiot: Rubbish! It would have been impossible to visualise Romeo and Juliet as romantic had they been called Ted and Lucy instead.

June 10, 2009

Lord Kill the Pain

Unfortunately, my last visit to my old dentist had scarred me for life when it comes to experiencing some pain, especially dental. It was few months before my 10th standard examination, in the summer of 2005, when I had to undergo a root canal treatment. To cut out the details and coming to the point I will describe what I had to go through. OK, she had the cavity cleaned and drilled up to her content to expose all the nerves. The way she described how the infection reaches the nerves made me picture some wriggling worms, sticking out of my pre-molar tooth, which had to be stuffed inside. With every little stroke that she took to clean up the inside of the tooth, it was not just paining but stinging intolerably. I had dug all my nails in the arm rest of the chair. A random and frantic glance at her nonchalant countenance teasingly conveyed to me that painlessness can be bliss. Then it was time for the horrific incident that physically brings back a faint sensation of the feeling even now, giving me goosebumps. The dentist said that she would have to administer the local anesthesia to stop the pain. She produced an injection with a huge needle, bent the needle by almost a right angle in front of my eyes, a bit threateningly and heartlessly, I thought. Looking at the needle itself the throbbing had risen to a higher level. I can’t help being a little exaggerated here, but the lady rammed the needle in the tooth, pinned my forehead down against the headrest, and continued with her injecting. I was twitching I think, though don’t remember it, but my head was held steady by her strong grip which was equally strong while working on the tooth too. I wanted to scream, but restrained myself and spared her the unnecessary drama. When she retrieved, the throbbing now had surged to head which was also in pain. She gave me some time to recover and the anesthesia to have its effect. And then after that, the further process was painless but that is not the point… the point is that it was freakin’ painful!

P.S. Prefer a dentist with a smile on his/her face and a pink wallpaper.

May 27, 2009

Random Rambling 1

Typing anything before your mind makes a decision is sort of tough. But these days, I had taken a break from reading Ayn Rand's Atlas Shrugged to read some business book, and my linguistic skills took a nasty blow in the derriere. One might wonder what that has got to do with linguistic skills, but I'll say, hey man, that's got a great deal to do with it, and I mean it. First of all, using such cuss language along with the words 'linguistic skills' itself is gross. In short, let me explain, when you are reading a book with sophisticated English, it sort of rubs into you and your usage of language reflects that. The business book that I had to read was good in content but abysmal in language. Americans really can't speak classy-ly even to save their lives. Well, speaking about language anyways, I read this in Readers' Digest long time back: There was this person who had traveled in various countries, and had particularly observed the 'no smoking' signs posted in buses in those countries. Now I don't remember all the signs he had mentioned, but because of stark contrast I do remember the American and the British signs. The American buses request the passengers by saying, 'Please do not smoke', while the British buses say, 'You are graciously requested to refrain from smoking.' Nice isn't it? Or as the British would probably put it, 'Certainly the most impeccable way to make you point cleah!' (That h is on purpose OK)

An important point to remember while typing random stuff is that you should never mention it too often that you are being random, as the fun lies in being understated. Ah, understated! Whatever happened to being understated? People these days are so in-your-face and naked! Sheesh! I am talking about the reality shows that are mushrooming up these days. If the cheap dance-shows and stand-up comedians are not enough, people are interchanging the places of contestants in these two shows. The children are trying to be stand-up comedians. And boy are these brats so cheap! They think they are funny because they crack some slimy jokes which can tingle the funny bone of only a pan wallah in a roadside tapri, but the judges laugh at their jokes, guffaw to be exact. But why won't they? If you are an out-of-work loser of an actor or some politician/sportsperson with criminal record and if you are being payed a hefty amount, you'd laugh even at your own mother! The rural imports a.k.a. stand-up comics, on the other hand are trying to shake their body to Bollywood music in what can only be assumed as some Hallowe'en costumes. The breed of judges is the same here. Analogically, talent plays no role in either judging or contesting. Throw in some tawdry melodrama and people from the wrong side of the tracks will scrub you some measly TRPs. One buxom lady, it is heard, is also gonna arrange a wedding for herself on the TV, right from the groom hunting. She shall not be mentioned on my blog for obvious reasons of maintaining the C-Quotient, but let me hint you that all about her is not real and her image (figurative & literal) commits a sacrilege of her first name. I watched one episode of Paris Hilton's reality show, Paris Hilton's New BFF. That show surpasses the boundaries of being dumb and our desi contestants, against the ones on their show, suddenly appear so dignified and brimming with self-respect. Why would anyone on this earth want to race with others to become someone's supposed best friend? According to Paris, she's had lots of best friends but some didn't last while some did, (duh!) so she was in search of a new one now (sic). That proves one thing though, you can't survive on moderation in this world. Either you gotta be supernova intelligent, with IQ double your weight, or nerve searingly stupid with IQ equal to the number of fingers on your left hand which should've been through an accident, only then can you be so rich that people would find whatever you do as cool... or in Paris's style: hawt.

OK, I have rambled a lot. Trying to cut the size of my posts these days. The B. I. says: Just think random, and probably you'll find the missing link. Thank you very much.

P. S. I have not used 'Backspace' even once while writing this post to maintain the authenticity of the Randomness. It's been used though only to correct spelling errors. Don't like 'em on my blog, OK.

May 6, 2009

The Idle Masturbation of a Jobless Mind

Boredom... I dunno why, but I consider it to be a state of mind more blissful than sleep. Not the plain boredom though, but severe boredom, when you have absolutely no idea about what you want to do. You just sit there staring in the blank space. These lines written till now are forced out despite boredom. God! I didn't know I could suck so much... even as I write I have absolutely no idea where I am going to end up or what I am gonna write on. Twice already I have used three dots which show an indefinite end to ideas leaving them hanging in the air.

That was so irrelevant and unrelated.

After 10 minutes... I browsed through my friends list on Orkut profile. I realised I had added some just because they sent me a request and I have to bump into them more than one time in a week. I deleted them nevertheless. I like to keep only my friends close to me, not some acquaintances. I have some friends in my list who have more than 1000 'Orkut friends'. Talk about quality and quantity, eh!

I don't like anybody to hover behind me while I am sitting at the computer. I know they may not be trying to read what is there on screen (even though its nothing censurable) but what the heck... I am goddamn bored, I can make any kind of statements as far as I am not asking them to follow it. Should I do that, I will get a smack on my head from behind itself and the next thing I come to know my internet connection will be terminated. Hmph, shtupid parents!

There are some people who you can't help but hate from the first sight itself. I don't know why, but there have been couple of people I cannot stand whatsoever. Karma, incompatible aura, bad vibes, negative feelings, preconceived notions - call it whatever you want to, even though your best friends may get along well with them, you won't be able to do so with this one particular person. I like to think of such people when I am bored and hate them in peace... without judging myself or caring enough about negativity and all. One blissful advantage of boredom: you are too drunk on it to be introspective.

One thing which escapes my limited intelligence is why people act so "oversmart" when it comes to the freaking values and traditions? Now, bored or sane, I always hated these self-proclaimed Moral Police. One such incident which pissed me off was that Akshay Kumar's unbuttoning jeans episode at a fashion show (his wife unbuttoned his jeans on the ramp). This guy slapped a case on Kumar and his wife for indecency. First of all, this show was never formally aired on television, it's pictures appeared in newspapers and some clips were shown on entertainment channels. And I am pretty sure this sata-savatra bastard was not the one attending that show either that his nuts interchanged their places on the spot because of the "show of indecency". It is the people like him who are so cheap that to bask in the 15 seconds of fame they target any person. Now I am no die-hard fan of Kumar or his wife or anything, but I just hate such morons. I mean, c'mon dude, how jobless could you get? I can picture: he must have sat in front of TV one evening, with his wife and kids, watching some C-grade Hindi news channel where these equally loser of people show news in a cheap way. And his little chunnu-munnu might've got their first dose of kinkiness in the presence of their parents who might be squirming in their seats due to embarrassment. No wonder he filed a case against them.

Inference: When bored, do whatever you want to, and think about its consequence later: The Blithering Idiot.

(Shut up and let me go by The Ting Tings:
I ain't freaking I ain't fakin this
I ain't freaking I ain't fakin this
I ain't freaking I ain't fakin this
Just shut up and let me go!)

April 10, 2009

A Stud or a Jackass?

Various television awareness programmes and campaigns that are continually run right from news channels to music channels have got me really charged up about the elections. So whether it's Times Group's (dramatic yet effective) ad where the parents swear by their children to vote against the vices in politics or the Channel V and Tata Tea's joint venture called Vote ya Vaat endorsed by Kiran Bedi and others: I got a patriotic orgasm from all these audio-visual arousal - but sadly, not surging enough for me to get my butt off the chair and walk to the registrar's office to submit the form, but strong enough to Google the educational qualifications of the two most eligible contenders for the post of the Honourable Prime Minister of India: Mr L. K. Advani and Dr Manmohan Singh.

The Google auto-suggestions came in useful here and almost decided itself who was the better man. It showed many suggestions till I typed educational qualifications of... like Lalu Prasad Yadav, Sachin Tendulkar et al (not Advani though) but the moment I reached "dr" it dropped down a single suggestion: Educational Qualification Prime Minister Dr Manmohan Singh. On clicking on one of the links what followed was a long list of his degrees and the posts he held at strategic and dignified position.

L. K. Advani couldn't fare so well as Dr Singh on Google. No auto-suggestions dropped down even when I typed his full name. But then again he doesn't have much feathers to his credit or in his cap, just an LLB I suppose, what in Pakistan is known as BL (Bachelor of Law), whereas Dr Singh is as endowed as a full-fanned peacock.

Just today Dr Singh confessed that he might not be a public speaker as good as Advani but he added that we need more a working PM. Advani later questioned why Dr Singh was never in any political campaign during the election season. Hah! A sign of aristocracy on the part of Dr Singh I would say. He has always been the silent and controlled person with a firm hand throughout his term. This was misinterpreted by the media and poisened by the opposition as symptoms of a weakling under control of Mrs Gandhi. He hardly ever indulged in the dirty politics and kept himself away from name-calling and mud-slinging. For a country brimming with population, corruption, debts and deficits, a person with controlled behaviour and measured speech is what we direly need.

The BJP campaign ad is the mind-numbingly infuriating, aimed at duping the illiterate by showing a brooding Advani in fake pensive poses staring in vacuum and suddenly a scene of skyscrapers materialising out of blue (which belong to some western countries). I was like who're you kidding old fart?! He seems to have developed a fixation for unnecessarily criticising and cursing the opposition just for the sake of it like an uncontrollable motor-mouth on loose. But not once have I heard from him any concrete scheme or plan about anything at all. I bet the economic development of the country would be ignored if he became the PM and all the caste and race politics will be played shamelessly.

In the end what I wish and what India needs is not a Manmohan Singh or an Advani but a man serious about his business. Let him be from any party for that matter, but he shouldn't seem a downer after what we had as one term with the most qualified PM of India. We already did that mistake (sacrilege) after Dr APJ Abdul Kalam's presidential term got over. Let's get serious and practical while voting, not emotional. Our duty is to elect the right guy only, not to run the country, even though it's a democracy. So let us stand by the ablest amongst all of them, so that if he wins we can rest assured we are in good hands.

April 1, 2009

Dear Mr Pigeon

Dear Mr Pigeon,


But I don't think that's the sound you make. It's something like an asthma patient having problem while breathing: Ghmmmm ghmmm! You make me wanna hurl a stone at you, Mr Pigeon. But then I resist myself cuz you are dumb enough to stand there still humming like a freaking fool.

It tears my nerves when you try to stuff yourself through our kitchen window and flutter around the clutter flapping your wings with the even more irritating phat-phat-phat-phat noise. Aarrrgghhhh!!! Can't you see that there's a fan switched on? Who will clean up the mess if your... forget it! There's nothing in anybody's home that you can pluck and fly away. No strategic positions to build your nest either, OK? Any let's face it dude, you are not as adventurous, brisk or macho like the crows to swoop away with something. And speaking of crows, look how smartly they perch themselves at the windows waiting for food. And if I shoo them away, they immediately take off but don't have any ego hassles coming back to see if still we have any edible scrap for them. Suave!

And what's with the habit of cocking head and revolving around yourself? Vous-etes retardé? Or is your memory so short that you just forget what things are around you by the time you look in another direction? You can't even strut about without cocking your head damn it! And I would also like to request you not to have those idiotic wing brawls with other dimwits of your species because that's just so gay! There is no display of any avine barbarism, you know, like the cool falcons; you just hustle, bustle and jostle with each other and finally fall off from wherever you are struggling in what seems like lovers in embrace.

So Mr Pigeon, I just hope your species gets extinct (like the dodo's did because of lack of brains) or you could get allergic to the global warming and try to fly over the ocean and then just drop into it, exhausted, after finding out there's no place to land! I still can't figure out how you pulled off the mail-delivering coup in the olden days.

Anyway, I hate you, pea-brain!

The Blithering Idiot.

March 24, 2009

Oh Paris, La Paris!

For those of you who don't know Paris or don't follow her news it would be futile in a way to read this post because you won't be able to grasp the humour. And if you do read it, watch the video too, cuz that's like half the insanity that is this post.

Paris Hilton is hot!

Paris is like one of the most famous as well as notorious celebrity in the U.S. of A. She's the usual dumb blonde rich bitch who can't display even traces of intelligence to save her life. But even then her hot looks and fashion style(?!) have divided the people who know her into two: those who hate her and those who just adore her. What is very interesting to observe about this specimen is her survival in this world amongst people with IQ level equal to her number of dresses. For her everything is hot, and by hot I mean: hawt! For a woman who socialises so much it is hard to believe that the only word she can describe good things with is hawt!

One of her quotes:
I think it's important for girls to be confident. Believe in yourself and ... everybody's hot.

Apart from acting on the reality shows Paris Hilton's BFF(wtf!) and The Simple Life (which is not aired any more) and a couple of movies, and singing some songs, she also earns her income from letting people partying with her. It's apparently called the Paris Hilton Party and she charges people (more than $100) to be her guests. And how do you think she entertains them as a hostess? She just makes a brief appearance on the stage or whatever, and says, 'Wooohooo, hey there guys, how's everyone doin? I want you to rock this party! Dance it up, cuz you are so hawt!' And that's it. That's all the 'guests' get to see of her in the Paris Hilton Party.

Being so incredibly dumb, she's got some unique style statement though. Designers love her only cuz she's the most visible person in all the events. And this dumb-sel loves her designer wears so much that she fears losing them to someone:
Kaballah helps you confront your fears. If a girl borrowed a dress from me, didn't return it to me and if I saw her wearing it, I will confront her.

The only rule is don't be boring and dress cute wherever you go. Life is too short to blend in.

But this one is unusually witty of Paris:
Every woman should have four pets in her life. A mink in her closet, a jaguar in her garage, a tiger in her bed and a jackass who pays for it all. :)

She's been the heiress to the Hilton empire but I guess her grandfather refused her the heirloom after her many sexcapades, publicly shameful behaviour and probably realising that she actually had an amoeboid brain. She had admitted that as a child she was like:

When I was a kid I had no idea I lived in a mansion. Then I went to a friend's house and I was like - "Oh".

A true heiress is never mean to anyone - except a girl who steals your boyfriend.

I don't want to be known as the granddaughter of the Hiltons. I want to be known as Paris.

It's OK to a certain extent when she talks to the entertainment media only. But then she blabbers on to anything that resembles a mic ('I don't think, I just walk') and when she does that, you really can't believe that a person can be so goddamn oblivious to an international crisis. Share holders had been reported to have committed suicides and Paris prances around giving her 'views' on the ubiquitous global recession:
Yeah, I heard it's around. I think everyone should wear happy colours.

I like it, ... but it's yellow, and I'm like, I didn't want yellow for my engagement ring.

Paris then bought a bubble-gum pink (urgh!) Bentley, and further customised it with a $283,ooo diamond encrusted dashboard.

(When asked about the British Prime Minister Tony Blair) Who? Oh he's like your president?... yeah, I dunno what he looks like.

This is Earth, isn't it hot?

(After her visit to Africa) South Africa was great! I also liked North Africa, East Africa and West Africa!

Her dating history is really in chapters! She hooks up with any rich guy she bumps into at pubs and parties and who she thinks is really hot! The funniest incident was when Paris was partying in the same club as Princes Harry and William and she tried to get nauddy (naughty) and flirt with William. But Will, being a royal gentleman, just talked to her and didn't fall for her (obviously). And she was all excited: Aren't the princes really hawt? We exchanged phone numbers! (Not true)

Some more:
I've only done it with, like, a couple of boyfriends. People think I sleep with everyone, but I'm not like that. I like kissing, but that's all I do. I'm not having sex for a year, I've decided. I'll kiss but nothing else.

I'd rather sit in bed and watch TV. All of my ex-boyfriends-of course, not Paris-would be like, 'What's the problem? You're so not sexual.'

Paris on her own image as a dumblonde:
I used to act dumb. That act is no longer cute. Now, I would like to make a difference ... God has given me this new chance.

I think I am a good role model.

It will work. I am a marketing genius.

Wal-mart... do they like make walls there?

Those cup-cakes still look good to me.

Now this one gets darn hilarious! During the US presidential race, John McCain had compared Barack Obama as a celebrity to the likes of Britney Spears and Paris Hilton and asked a question, 'Is he ready to lead?' Paris hit back at McCain with this video. She says stuff like, 'I am not promising anything like everyone else... I am just hot!' 'Thanks for the endorsement, white hair dude (McCain) and I wanna tell America that I'm like totally ready to lead' and then goes on in a detailed and professional solution to the economic and financial crisis to finally sign off with 'See you at the debate, bitches.'
Check it out in this vid:

And in this video, Paris takes herself a tad too seriously and promotes herself to America "get their butt off the chair and vote" her for the post of President. She doesn't however, do this through smart or brainy speeches but through a musical song-and-dance video. Watch it for more laughs than the previous ones as America's "commander in bikini" swears that "global warming is not that hot."

March 20, 2009

Kāma: Confession and Holy

There was one segment on a TV show where they were talking about sex education, awareness and conversation amongst teens/pre-teens and their parents. A mother was saying that she had decided to take a step forward by introducing her daughter in early teenage to the topic. She had said to her daughter, 'Dear, I think it's time we talked about how babies come and err... sex.' 'Sure Mum,' said her daughter, 'what do you want to know?'

The people on the show were amazed at the daughter's knowledge and went on further to discuss how different sources of information are accessible to children and how they don't need their parents anymore to blast the myths about birds and bees or free home delivering storks. But I was impressed by the girl's comfort level about sex with her mother. She answered her mother back as coolly as though she were asking her about some recipe.

I had been to a Yoga class where I learned not only the exercises but also the philosophy behind it. There is nothing Indian about Yoga to be frank, even though it's an Indian creation. It is a deep scientific attitude and rationality. One of the concepts I felt to be the most important was moderation. Yoga preaches moderation in everything: what you eat, what you spend, how much you enjoy, your desires and so on.

Desires: Sex is a desire. Out of the maybe thousands of times in their life, humans have sex only a couple of times for procreation which is considered the main objective of sex. It is human to have sex with the love of your life. But does it mean that casual sex or one-night stands are ethical? One can even have casual sex in moderation too, since as mentioned earlier it is just a desire and you are satisfying it. That brings forth the question what you prefer: love or sex. Do you prefer to go around indiscriminately fornicating like dogs or do you want to mutually satisfy your partner physically and emotionally? Isn't it more fulfilling and sacred if sex is extended as an expression of love instead of a mere, selfishly carnal itch?

Some religions frown upon it as a filthy action. The parents dissuade the children from touching their private parts. There is nothing dirty about them since they are also an important part of the body. This ignorant and careless attitude of parents further goes on to instill a sense of taboo and forbidden about the genitalia and, consequently, sex. Everyone has a curiosity of the unknown and forbidden. And as children grow and get the reality-check they develop a guilt for discovering what their parents were trying to hide from them and this guilt then culminates into discomfort between parents and children. They become tongue-tied when it comes to speaking to their children about it because they might expect a question like 'do you have it too?' It is this taboo that is tagged on such topics since childhood that any pleasure one feels through them becomes a sin. But a simple question: Aren't we all the products of sex? Then why shy away from talking about it? I daresay even the religious preacher (whose own parents bore him through a sexual union and) who publicly denounces it, must be feeling some tingle in his pants in the privacy of his home.

Yoga also expounds abstinence/ brahmacharya or celibacy. But then again, those who practise it till the expert levels learn to abstain themselves from even food and water. So that doesn't mean that Yoga considers sex unholy. The reason behind it is that a person must learn to free himself of all distractions to be the one with the universe. 'Yoga' actually means the 'unification' of the internal mind with external universe. But all such sacrifices are expected of a real yogi who devotes his entire life to meditation. For a normal human being, sex is holy. It is the confession of the true love for their partner. There exists a reason for everything, and the fact that we attain pleasure in this act itself is a proof that this is how it was meant to be. There is no human adulteration in the idea of sex, it is completely natural, and the religion which goes against nature is probably not a religion at all (or is being misinterpreted foolishly by a quack).

Since I am challenging the religions so much let me clarify myself better. When you are born as a person of a particular religion, you can probably say you are destined to that religion. But as a birth of an individual, you are born to accomplish something in your life and to make it as much meaningful as you can till you die. This is what you want to do with your personal life, it is your choice. Then why does religion - something which you didn't voluntarily subscribe to - be the one influencing your personal choices. Love and ambition are parts of your life continually going through two phases: sadness and happiness. When you are 'in love' with a person you want to make that person happy. Obviously the feeling is mutual. You earn money for a better living to make the person you love happy, that is permitted by all religions, you cook tasty food to make the person you love happy, that is permitted by all religions, you protect them and undergo severe physical exertion to keep them safe and happy, that too, is permitted by all religions. All these things are done because one 'craves' to be with the other out of love, this feeling is emotional. Can there not be a physical 'craving' to be with the other out of love? Why do religions hypocritically forbid that? The mortals who preach religion are responsible for the degradation in the human psyche. Because religions themselves are a convenient way out for humans to live their lives. Ironically, there are many religions who proclaim there is only one God, but none of them (if studied deeply) will challenge existence of other religions. So if it is natural for several religions to co-exist, is it natural that there are several Gods? And if it is to this God that you pray for forgiveness or thank him for the good things aren't you yourself giving a religion to the God, when you confess to follow a religion written down by 'that God'? Then what about people of other religions? They exist too. Ever tried to think how they came into being? If you truly loved 'your God' you will love the people from other religions too, because 'your God' does want you to love everyone. Then why didn't 'your God' take them under his wings? If he hasn't done so, has he left them to wander alone? Or are they safe with 'their own Gods'? Either of the two. But according to 'your religion' God is only one and that God is kind.

I have deviated from the topic but I am not going astray. The reason for so many questions is to make one realise that religion is a man's creation, it is artificial, something for the adults to turn to in the times of distress, just like the children grab their teddy bears or protective blankets. If one rationally answers the above questions, one would realise that we are guided by only one force, which has no religion. Then why must one subject oneself to the precepts and preachings of a religion at the cost of refusing something that is essential to them?

Religions do teach you strong and pious principles which, if a person adhered to will lead an easy yet ethical life. True. But that eventually is what spiritual rationality is. Just take a sensible approach to everything, including sex and your God, and you will rise above the necessities like religion and discover the 'higher truths'. But one eternal truth remains that love is an indispensible part of this world and it will remain sacrosanct for as long as people will continue to love their lives and the people in it. And confession of love in any form, including sex is also equally pure, because just like God it is untouched by any religion. And something above religion will always be as holy as God.

P.S. I deliberately restrained myself from using the phrase 'India is the land of Kamasutra'. The physical act of love is universal and in practice since the pre-historic times; just because we have a manual about it doesn't mean we have the patent to it. There are several other good things too one can attribute India to!

March 14, 2009

Democracy: A Right Prescription?

Watched Sanjay Dutt give his first campaign speech today and was disgusted by it. At one point of time he went on to narrate an incident which took place while reaching there. He said after getting down from the plane and driving till here a man asked him about a scene in Lage Raho Munnabhai (same scene where Munna slaps a guy because he didn't know what is Gandhiji-callly appropriate after being slapped on both sides of face). There was a ripple of laughter alright. Even he chuckled and looked at his secretary or someone standing behind him, seeking confidence. At other point, he went on to say stuff like 'main aapse kandhe se kandha milakar chaloonga, aapke saath rahoonga, aapke beech mein rahoonga' (I will walk, live and be with you). Now that was so fake man! First he mentions sleekly that he got there by a plane (must be a chartered one) and a car (must be chauffeur-driven) and then he promises to do things which no one in their sane mind would believe. What made me more indignant was that this line was received by an applause. People get loony and brainwashed when someone screams sheer idiocy over an reverberating microphone, honestly!

I haven't heard of Dutt doing anything socially responsible before making a foray into politics. I mean, for a celebrity of his stature even minutest of some charity would've been inflated by the media as a life saving act, but it was not to be. And co-stars saying things like "tough man outside but a heart of gold inside" isn't really a testimonial, sir! I have nothing else to say about him, but just that people should not mistake the real life person for the on-screen one. If they are so much in awe of the character that they wish to be taken by him to politcal manumission, they should push the story-writer of the movie on the dais.

I read someone's views on an online thread about democracy. He was of the opinion that for a vast country like India it isn't well suited. I argued back that people get a right to select their leaders and all that. He said where (a) majority of the people live in villages, most of whom are illiterate and gullible that people like Dutt and others can easily offer them money or fake promises to influence their votes, (b) a sizable chunk of people are corrupt and vile and rich who can 'choose to get influenced' by the politicians in exchange of some petty favours, and (c) the rest which leaves a serious minority of the educated and aware class of people - in such a country, how can you trust the leader the same democracy has elected? Hmm... I didn't have anything to retort with.

Gandhiji had something like 'Now that you are free men, you must vote.' But why, bapuji? It's not as if we are having a variety of inspiring people to select from, we have no other option other than to vote for the guy who is least corrupt and who doesn't have one of his leg in the grave/on the pyre. The dearth of highly educated politicians who are fighting for the betterment of the Indians is the reason why some are losing the faith in the Democracy. (By the way, could the term 'highly educated politicians' be more ironic and oxymoronic ?) It really boils my blood to see them using the heavily funded (from the tax-payers money, obviously) election rallies to jabber about the opposition and try to turn the crowd to vote for them on that basis, when the crowd, the politician, and his party are aware that it's all hogwash.

Clearly, democracy works only when there are rational and intelligent voters, competitive elections and relatively low political and campaign kharcha. But the lack of such voters itself remains the Achilles heel of Democracy.

At least in Democracy, its so called essence: of the people, for the people, by the people allows the policies and plans framed by the government to be influenced by the vox populi - the voice of the people, through the free and active media. But then again, considering people like Dutt and A-boo Cell-em and Go-win-duh thinking of contesting elections how often can you trust the policies to be framed by proffesional economists?

Then should we have an autocratic rule instead and avoid the situation of too many cooks spoiling the broth? Just one supremely educated and intellingent guy with in-depth knowledge of economics of a nation and international relations?

The Blithering Idiot trails away...

P.S. Youngistan is the crappiest thing I've ever heard. It smells like a bunch of air-headed Bollywood maniacs desperately trying to show themselves to be energetic and hot-blooded instead of actually participating in the actual reforms.

March 13, 2009

In an August Company

'Who are you? You don't belong here.'

'I've lost my way home, I stay with people.'

'I stay on this street.'

'Is it safe?'

'Not for you. You're an outsider.'

'My people like to believe the same... because of me you know.'

'Run away now!'

'Is it safe?'

'Not for you. You're an outsider.'

'Where are you going?'

'It's time the fat lady throws out the leftovers.'

'Can I come along?'

'No! It's not much. I will have to go hungry because of you.'

'Oh no no, I won't eat any leftovers. I just want to see this fat lady.'

'Why do you want to see her?'

'Because she must be having a lot of food not only to make her fat but also to throw away.'

'Run away, I said! She won't like you. You are too black.'

'I am august.'

'Quit following me.'

'Is that her?'


'Mmm... yum! It was more tasty today.'

'Are you full?'

'Do I look sleepy?'


'Then I am not.'

'I am sorry.'

'Why are you staring at the house? Don't do that, she'll hurl something at you.'

'I am all right.'

'Aren't you hungry?'

'I am all right.'

'Very well.'

'Ah, look, the fat lady brings out some food for me in a dish.'

'You haughty lap ornaments have an easy life.'

'Would you like to share it?'

'Is it safe?'

'Not for you. You're an outsider.'

'But what the heck! She knows me, the fat lady.'

'Then why ask, join in. There is enough for both of us.'

'Thank you. It is for the first time that I have had a full meal.'

'I must find my way home now. I don't think it is very far away from here.'

'If you go through that hole in the wall over there, you will find yourself on a different street.'

'Is it safe?'

'Don't worry, I shall guard you.'

March 9, 2009

Slumdog ManiaFare

Everyone seems to be trying to jump on the Slumdog bandwagon these days, after it shone at the Baftas, Academy Awards and at several other awards. The well-wishers were a-plenty, dime a dozen, but they don't have much of a news potential. So it is the not-so-well-wishers who try to be Smart Alec.

Amitabh Bacchan. I don't undestand what's wrong with him, and why he's not so gung-ho like rest of the Bollywood gushing about a movie made by a British in Mumbai and winning awards in LA and London... He was of the opinion that the Oscars should not be given so much of importance and attention by the Indians, since there are many good movies in India that don't need an Oscar to certify they are good. Hmph! Not much of a competitive lark, Big B.

I heard another guy challenging the choice of the jury. And there are many like him. They were like, "what did they see in Slumdog..., only slums, beggars, poverty! Better than that was the Marathi flick Shwas (Also Oscar nominated in foreign language category)". True enough. But after all it was a phirangi awards function, wasn't it? Not your national awards, where the marathi movie did win an award. Slumdog... was an out-and-out Bollywood-ish movie complete with the nautch-gaana and similar music. The movie also had a sensible script, some excellent cinematography, etc which can be found in western movies. For us, movies like Changeling and The Curious Case of Benjamin Button et al may be oh-so-different and a novelty. But for the western jury and public it's a regular thing, and such Slumdog... movies for them are oh-so-different, entertaining. It is the same phenomenon as the Caucasians yearning for a tan, and the wheatish, for a fairer skin: a fetish for the exotica.

A. R. Rahman's music is surreal! It is intricate, fresh and contemporary. He has so far never made a signature style of music and that is what so cool about it. Every score is totally different from the other. I wouldn't be surprised if they have an award named after him in the future.

The Freida girl is going places. Being a student of PR, I could see she did some excellent job at her public relations. Even though she was in only one-third of the film she's been prancing around like a lead actress pouting and posing for the shutterbugs in internationally designed style. Intelligent! She didn't take the stupid step of 'being open to bollywood offers' and fielding the amateurish Indian entertainment media who had dug out her not so pleasant past. Her sis said she was busy with a Woody Allen project in US and the opinionated motor-mouths like Shobha De did a good job of justifying and covering up for her (she dumped her fiancé or something of that sort). That took care of her image there. Moreover, being seen at a fashion show in Paris or Milan or on the cover page of international fashion magazine is way better than being seen on the same page of an entertainment column alongside tanushri data and tushar kapur. I hope she won't be a one-film wonder. I would like to see more of her.

No comments about the slumkids, or politicos butchering the song Jai Ho, or dragging those kids to campaign with them.

P.S. I don't like to say bollywood. I prefer it as the Indian/Hindi Film Industry. Pinto should learn this too.