January 15, 2010

The Strange Feelings

"The Uncomfortable Feeling" is the worst type of all the feelings I daresay. I can tolerate guilt, boredom, envy, inferiority complex, embarrassment and some other mild feelings, but The Uncomfortable Feeling wins hands down. I write about this because I did something in college - and I shall certainly not describe what - which has got me this itchy feeling. To be more clear, it was something which others might not have found stupid or strange, but I, for one, did find it so. I dunno if anyone of you ever did something goofy and then had this feeling at the back of your mind nudging you the entire day, reminding you of that moment making you wish you hadn't done it. And you are like 'Arrgh! Tomorrow, I'm gonna take some corrective steps and act really cool.' If only there was a mental eraser! I would have erased that incident first from others' memory and then mine.

Boredom is a valuable feeling. I can't say it for others, but when I am bored, I tend to introspect a lot. It can be probably because when you are so bored to do anything or can't think of what you can do, you just sit back and stare into space or potter about on Facebook. I advanced to a higher level of boredom some days back. I got bored even of Facebook. I couldn't stand reading what my friends were becoming fans of. Either it's 'someone became a fan of talking on the last bench' or '... became a fan of I don't like it when people don't reply to my messages quickly'. I am so sick of it that I don't care to elaborate on it further. Facebook really changed my daily life. Initially, with Orkut, where you had hardly anything to pass your time with, you couldn't get so addicted. And it was possible to log off after a while. But with Facebook I had this compulsive habit of commenting on some or the other post, diligently ploughing on Farmville, playing Social Interview and many other petty applications. I must really warn those who are reading this and if they can identify themselves with with this trait, that this habit can suck the real qualities out of you. I can't remember the last time when I read a book for at least two hours at a stretch. I have been trudging along with the fat novel Atlas Shrugged for almost an eternity now. The fact is, all this time, while I had been glued to Facebook, I did not realise that instead of curing my boredom I was aggravating it. I have nothing against Facebook, and don't even understand how this post strayed on to be so anti-FB but somehow Facebook and Boredom are two words I can easily co-relate. My reading habit has taken such a blow that I can actually see for myself that this post is the worst ever till now when it comes to content, creativity and style. Detestable!

Another feeling is the 'Yearning for Solitude'. Remember those times, when you were traveling to college or work, and just wanted to be busy with your thoughts when your hyper-enthusiastic friend appeared out of nowhere beaming like a Miss World? It's physically painful when the guy goes on blabbering on topics you are least interested to even think about. I sometimes wonder during such times if I, too, ever was so thick that I couldn't take the hint to shut up when the other person was keeping mum. This Yearning for Solitude Feeling may arise because of many things: a sour incident, bad mood, fight with someone and so on. And when you are in a blissful solitude you are actually nursing or self-healing your bad mood. When you have had a satisfactory time in solitude, you are fresh enough to be social again. However, this feeling should not be confused with reclusiveness. Yearning for Solitude is perfectly natural. For the ripples in the lake to settle into a still surface it is better if there blew not even a breeze.