April 1, 2009

Dear Mr Pigeon

Dear Mr Pigeon,

Coo.

But I don't think that's the sound you make. It's something like an asthma patient having problem while breathing: Ghmmmm ghmmm! You make me wanna hurl a stone at you, Mr Pigeon. But then I resist myself cuz you are dumb enough to stand there still humming like a freaking fool.

It tears my nerves when you try to stuff yourself through our kitchen window and flutter around the clutter flapping your wings with the even more irritating phat-phat-phat-phat noise. Aarrrgghhhh!!! Can't you see that there's a fan switched on? Who will clean up the mess if your... forget it! There's nothing in anybody's home that you can pluck and fly away. No strategic positions to build your nest either, OK? Any let's face it dude, you are not as adventurous, brisk or macho like the crows to swoop away with something. And speaking of crows, look how smartly they perch themselves at the windows waiting for food. And if I shoo them away, they immediately take off but don't have any ego hassles coming back to see if still we have any edible scrap for them. Suave!

And what's with the habit of cocking head and revolving around yourself? Vous-etes retardé? Or is your memory so short that you just forget what things are around you by the time you look in another direction? You can't even strut about without cocking your head damn it! And I would also like to request you not to have those idiotic wing brawls with other dimwits of your species because that's just so gay! There is no display of any avine barbarism, you know, like the cool falcons; you just hustle, bustle and jostle with each other and finally fall off from wherever you are struggling in what seems like lovers in embrace.

So Mr Pigeon, I just hope your species gets extinct (like the dodo's did because of lack of brains) or you could get allergic to the global warming and try to fly over the ocean and then just drop into it, exhausted, after finding out there's no place to land! I still can't figure out how you pulled off the mail-delivering coup in the olden days.

Anyway, I hate you, pea-brain!

Love,
The Blithering Idiot.

10 comments:

asit dhal said...

pigeon hater......

buddy they are ignorant about ur problem..ur sophisticated fan....ur sensitive ear....and everything u have....that's why sometimes they have to pay for their ignorance...

nice blog.....I hope u don't hate them so much, r u ???

ArUn raFi said...

jus woke up now and read ur blog..jus stumbled upon it.made me smile .nice.dumb birds ryt?ever thought of hurling a stone at one f em and cocking their head off and give it to ur street cat?u ll feel great..
u either are beautiful or brainy..the pigeon falls in th former one i guess..
keep it up.dont think peta will be too happy to read all this.
cheers

Saadi said...

Stumbled across your blog, you got some really nice stuff going here!

And dude, nobody can hate pigeons! It's those crows that are so worthy of hate!

Cheers!

⋙⋙ D € € p ╚╝⋘⋘ said...

just blogwalkin nice blog pigeons are really cute its those crows the filthy thins any ways nice writings


good day

Pranay said...

wooo!!! massakalli!!!
the flip side of it... they arent as dumb as u think... remember.. they once used to carry messages.. (kabutar ja ja ja!!) :p :p
quite explosive thoughts i must say!

Shruti Mukundan said...

intense research on pigeons... boy! gud work. hw did u come to writing it? i mean wat were u doing? starring at some poor little creature to notice wat its upto or was it disturbing u at-mist sumthing important that u took out the frustration on the blog.. but anyways gud work!

Gaurav Tārkar said...

no no... i just have this nausea about this winged creatures. they not only piss me off but also freak me out. and they are so stupid!

Adisha said...

Very nicely done :) Seems you've studied the species intently.hehe

They probably are pea brained but oh so cute :D

Cheers,
adisha

PurpleSheen said...

:P

Sapna Singh said...

Dude..This is soo hilarious. But awesome blog! ;)