March 24, 2009

Oh Paris, La Paris!

For those of you who don't know Paris or don't follow her news it would be futile in a way to read this post because you won't be able to grasp the humour. And if you do read it, watch the video too, cuz that's like half the insanity that is this post.

Paris Hilton is hot!

Paris is like one of the most famous as well as notorious celebrity in the U.S. of A. She's the usual dumb blonde rich bitch who can't display even traces of intelligence to save her life. But even then her hot looks and fashion style(?!) have divided the people who know her into two: those who hate her and those who just adore her. What is very interesting to observe about this specimen is her survival in this world amongst people with IQ level equal to her number of dresses. For her everything is hot, and by hot I mean: hawt! For a woman who socialises so much it is hard to believe that the only word she can describe good things with is hawt!

One of her quotes:
I think it's important for girls to be confident. Believe in yourself and ... everybody's hot.

Apart from acting on the reality shows Paris Hilton's BFF(wtf!) and The Simple Life (which is not aired any more) and a couple of movies, and singing some songs, she also earns her income from letting people partying with her. It's apparently called the Paris Hilton Party and she charges people (more than $100) to be her guests. And how do you think she entertains them as a hostess? She just makes a brief appearance on the stage or whatever, and says, 'Wooohooo, hey there guys, how's everyone doin? I want you to rock this party! Dance it up, cuz you are so hawt!' And that's it. That's all the 'guests' get to see of her in the Paris Hilton Party.

Being so incredibly dumb, she's got some unique style statement though. Designers love her only cuz she's the most visible person in all the events. And this dumb-sel loves her designer wears so much that she fears losing them to someone:
Kaballah helps you confront your fears. If a girl borrowed a dress from me, didn't return it to me and if I saw her wearing it, I will confront her.

The only rule is don't be boring and dress cute wherever you go. Life is too short to blend in.

But this one is unusually witty of Paris:
Every woman should have four pets in her life. A mink in her closet, a jaguar in her garage, a tiger in her bed and a jackass who pays for it all. :)

She's been the heiress to the Hilton empire but I guess her grandfather refused her the heirloom after her many sexcapades, publicly shameful behaviour and probably realising that she actually had an amoeboid brain. She had admitted that as a child she was like:

When I was a kid I had no idea I lived in a mansion. Then I went to a friend's house and I was like - "Oh".

A true heiress is never mean to anyone - except a girl who steals your boyfriend.

I don't want to be known as the granddaughter of the Hiltons. I want to be known as Paris.

It's OK to a certain extent when she talks to the entertainment media only. But then she blabbers on to anything that resembles a mic ('I don't think, I just walk') and when she does that, you really can't believe that a person can be so goddamn oblivious to an international crisis. Share holders had been reported to have committed suicides and Paris prances around giving her 'views' on the ubiquitous global recession:
Yeah, I heard it's around. I think everyone should wear happy colours.

I like it, ... but it's yellow, and I'm like, I didn't want yellow for my engagement ring.

Paris then bought a bubble-gum pink (urgh!) Bentley, and further customised it with a $283,ooo diamond encrusted dashboard.

(When asked about the British Prime Minister Tony Blair) Who? Oh he's like your president?... yeah, I dunno what he looks like.

This is Earth, isn't it hot?

(After her visit to Africa) South Africa was great! I also liked North Africa, East Africa and West Africa!

Her dating history is really in chapters! She hooks up with any rich guy she bumps into at pubs and parties and who she thinks is really hot! The funniest incident was when Paris was partying in the same club as Princes Harry and William and she tried to get nauddy (naughty) and flirt with William. But Will, being a royal gentleman, just talked to her and didn't fall for her (obviously). And she was all excited: Aren't the princes really hawt? We exchanged phone numbers! (Not true)

Some more:
I've only done it with, like, a couple of boyfriends. People think I sleep with everyone, but I'm not like that. I like kissing, but that's all I do. I'm not having sex for a year, I've decided. I'll kiss but nothing else.

I'd rather sit in bed and watch TV. All of my ex-boyfriends-of course, not Paris-would be like, 'What's the problem? You're so not sexual.'

Paris on her own image as a dumblonde:
I used to act dumb. That act is no longer cute. Now, I would like to make a difference ... God has given me this new chance.

I think I am a good role model.

It will work. I am a marketing genius.

Wal-mart... do they like make walls there?

Those cup-cakes still look good to me.

Now this one gets darn hilarious! During the US presidential race, John McCain had compared Barack Obama as a celebrity to the likes of Britney Spears and Paris Hilton and asked a question, 'Is he ready to lead?' Paris hit back at McCain with this video. She says stuff like, 'I am not promising anything like everyone else... I am just hot!' 'Thanks for the endorsement, white hair dude (McCain) and I wanna tell America that I'm like totally ready to lead' and then goes on in a detailed and professional solution to the economic and financial crisis to finally sign off with 'See you at the debate, bitches.'
Check it out in this vid:

And in this video, Paris takes herself a tad too seriously and promotes herself to America "get their butt off the chair and vote" her for the post of President. She doesn't however, do this through smart or brainy speeches but through a musical song-and-dance video. Watch it for more laughs than the previous ones as America's "commander in bikini" swears that "global warming is not that hot."

March 20, 2009

Kāma: Confession and Holy

There was one segment on a TV show where they were talking about sex education, awareness and conversation amongst teens/pre-teens and their parents. A mother was saying that she had decided to take a step forward by introducing her daughter in early teenage to the topic. She had said to her daughter, 'Dear, I think it's time we talked about how babies come and err... sex.' 'Sure Mum,' said her daughter, 'what do you want to know?'

The people on the show were amazed at the daughter's knowledge and went on further to discuss how different sources of information are accessible to children and how they don't need their parents anymore to blast the myths about birds and bees or free home delivering storks. But I was impressed by the girl's comfort level about sex with her mother. She answered her mother back as coolly as though she were asking her about some recipe.

I had been to a Yoga class where I learned not only the exercises but also the philosophy behind it. There is nothing Indian about Yoga to be frank, even though it's an Indian creation. It is a deep scientific attitude and rationality. One of the concepts I felt to be the most important was moderation. Yoga preaches moderation in everything: what you eat, what you spend, how much you enjoy, your desires and so on.

Desires: Sex is a desire. Out of the maybe thousands of times in their life, humans have sex only a couple of times for procreation which is considered the main objective of sex. It is human to have sex with the love of your life. But does it mean that casual sex or one-night stands are ethical? One can even have casual sex in moderation too, since as mentioned earlier it is just a desire and you are satisfying it. That brings forth the question what you prefer: love or sex. Do you prefer to go around indiscriminately fornicating like dogs or do you want to mutually satisfy your partner physically and emotionally? Isn't it more fulfilling and sacred if sex is extended as an expression of love instead of a mere, selfishly carnal itch?

Some religions frown upon it as a filthy action. The parents dissuade the children from touching their private parts. There is nothing dirty about them since they are also an important part of the body. This ignorant and careless attitude of parents further goes on to instill a sense of taboo and forbidden about the genitalia and, consequently, sex. Everyone has a curiosity of the unknown and forbidden. And as children grow and get the reality-check they develop a guilt for discovering what their parents were trying to hide from them and this guilt then culminates into discomfort between parents and children. They become tongue-tied when it comes to speaking to their children about it because they might expect a question like 'do you have it too?' It is this taboo that is tagged on such topics since childhood that any pleasure one feels through them becomes a sin. But a simple question: Aren't we all the products of sex? Then why shy away from talking about it? I daresay even the religious preacher (whose own parents bore him through a sexual union and) who publicly denounces it, must be feeling some tingle in his pants in the privacy of his home.

Yoga also expounds abstinence/ brahmacharya or celibacy. But then again, those who practise it till the expert levels learn to abstain themselves from even food and water. So that doesn't mean that Yoga considers sex unholy. The reason behind it is that a person must learn to free himself of all distractions to be the one with the universe. 'Yoga' actually means the 'unification' of the internal mind with external universe. But all such sacrifices are expected of a real yogi who devotes his entire life to meditation. For a normal human being, sex is holy. It is the confession of the true love for their partner. There exists a reason for everything, and the fact that we attain pleasure in this act itself is a proof that this is how it was meant to be. There is no human adulteration in the idea of sex, it is completely natural, and the religion which goes against nature is probably not a religion at all (or is being misinterpreted foolishly by a quack).

Since I am challenging the religions so much let me clarify myself better. When you are born as a person of a particular religion, you can probably say you are destined to that religion. But as a birth of an individual, you are born to accomplish something in your life and to make it as much meaningful as you can till you die. This is what you want to do with your personal life, it is your choice. Then why does religion - something which you didn't voluntarily subscribe to - be the one influencing your personal choices. Love and ambition are parts of your life continually going through two phases: sadness and happiness. When you are 'in love' with a person you want to make that person happy. Obviously the feeling is mutual. You earn money for a better living to make the person you love happy, that is permitted by all religions, you cook tasty food to make the person you love happy, that is permitted by all religions, you protect them and undergo severe physical exertion to keep them safe and happy, that too, is permitted by all religions. All these things are done because one 'craves' to be with the other out of love, this feeling is emotional. Can there not be a physical 'craving' to be with the other out of love? Why do religions hypocritically forbid that? The mortals who preach religion are responsible for the degradation in the human psyche. Because religions themselves are a convenient way out for humans to live their lives. Ironically, there are many religions who proclaim there is only one God, but none of them (if studied deeply) will challenge existence of other religions. So if it is natural for several religions to co-exist, is it natural that there are several Gods? And if it is to this God that you pray for forgiveness or thank him for the good things aren't you yourself giving a religion to the God, when you confess to follow a religion written down by 'that God'? Then what about people of other religions? They exist too. Ever tried to think how they came into being? If you truly loved 'your God' you will love the people from other religions too, because 'your God' does want you to love everyone. Then why didn't 'your God' take them under his wings? If he hasn't done so, has he left them to wander alone? Or are they safe with 'their own Gods'? Either of the two. But according to 'your religion' God is only one and that God is kind.

I have deviated from the topic but I am not going astray. The reason for so many questions is to make one realise that religion is a man's creation, it is artificial, something for the adults to turn to in the times of distress, just like the children grab their teddy bears or protective blankets. If one rationally answers the above questions, one would realise that we are guided by only one force, which has no religion. Then why must one subject oneself to the precepts and preachings of a religion at the cost of refusing something that is essential to them?

Religions do teach you strong and pious principles which, if a person adhered to will lead an easy yet ethical life. True. But that eventually is what spiritual rationality is. Just take a sensible approach to everything, including sex and your God, and you will rise above the necessities like religion and discover the 'higher truths'. But one eternal truth remains that love is an indispensible part of this world and it will remain sacrosanct for as long as people will continue to love their lives and the people in it. And confession of love in any form, including sex is also equally pure, because just like God it is untouched by any religion. And something above religion will always be as holy as God.

P.S. I deliberately restrained myself from using the phrase 'India is the land of Kamasutra'. The physical act of love is universal and in practice since the pre-historic times; just because we have a manual about it doesn't mean we have the patent to it. There are several other good things too one can attribute India to!

March 14, 2009

Democracy: A Right Prescription?

Watched Sanjay Dutt give his first campaign speech today and was disgusted by it. At one point of time he went on to narrate an incident which took place while reaching there. He said after getting down from the plane and driving till here a man asked him about a scene in Lage Raho Munnabhai (same scene where Munna slaps a guy because he didn't know what is Gandhiji-callly appropriate after being slapped on both sides of face). There was a ripple of laughter alright. Even he chuckled and looked at his secretary or someone standing behind him, seeking confidence. At other point, he went on to say stuff like 'main aapse kandhe se kandha milakar chaloonga, aapke saath rahoonga, aapke beech mein rahoonga' (I will walk, live and be with you). Now that was so fake man! First he mentions sleekly that he got there by a plane (must be a chartered one) and a car (must be chauffeur-driven) and then he promises to do things which no one in their sane mind would believe. What made me more indignant was that this line was received by an applause. People get loony and brainwashed when someone screams sheer idiocy over an reverberating microphone, honestly!

I haven't heard of Dutt doing anything socially responsible before making a foray into politics. I mean, for a celebrity of his stature even minutest of some charity would've been inflated by the media as a life saving act, but it was not to be. And co-stars saying things like "tough man outside but a heart of gold inside" isn't really a testimonial, sir! I have nothing else to say about him, but just that people should not mistake the real life person for the on-screen one. If they are so much in awe of the character that they wish to be taken by him to politcal manumission, they should push the story-writer of the movie on the dais.

I read someone's views on an online thread about democracy. He was of the opinion that for a vast country like India it isn't well suited. I argued back that people get a right to select their leaders and all that. He said where (a) majority of the people live in villages, most of whom are illiterate and gullible that people like Dutt and others can easily offer them money or fake promises to influence their votes, (b) a sizable chunk of people are corrupt and vile and rich who can 'choose to get influenced' by the politicians in exchange of some petty favours, and (c) the rest which leaves a serious minority of the educated and aware class of people - in such a country, how can you trust the leader the same democracy has elected? Hmm... I didn't have anything to retort with.

Gandhiji had something like 'Now that you are free men, you must vote.' But why, bapuji? It's not as if we are having a variety of inspiring people to select from, we have no other option other than to vote for the guy who is least corrupt and who doesn't have one of his leg in the grave/on the pyre. The dearth of highly educated politicians who are fighting for the betterment of the Indians is the reason why some are losing the faith in the Democracy. (By the way, could the term 'highly educated politicians' be more ironic and oxymoronic ?) It really boils my blood to see them using the heavily funded (from the tax-payers money, obviously) election rallies to jabber about the opposition and try to turn the crowd to vote for them on that basis, when the crowd, the politician, and his party are aware that it's all hogwash.

Clearly, democracy works only when there are rational and intelligent voters, competitive elections and relatively low political and campaign kharcha. But the lack of such voters itself remains the Achilles heel of Democracy.

At least in Democracy, its so called essence: of the people, for the people, by the people allows the policies and plans framed by the government to be influenced by the vox populi - the voice of the people, through the free and active media. But then again, considering people like Dutt and A-boo Cell-em and Go-win-duh thinking of contesting elections how often can you trust the policies to be framed by proffesional economists?

Then should we have an autocratic rule instead and avoid the situation of too many cooks spoiling the broth? Just one supremely educated and intellingent guy with in-depth knowledge of economics of a nation and international relations?

The Blithering Idiot trails away...

P.S. Youngistan is the crappiest thing I've ever heard. It smells like a bunch of air-headed Bollywood maniacs desperately trying to show themselves to be energetic and hot-blooded instead of actually participating in the actual reforms.

March 13, 2009

In an August Company

'Who are you? You don't belong here.'

'I've lost my way home, I stay with people.'

'I stay on this street.'

'Is it safe?'

'Not for you. You're an outsider.'

'My people like to believe the same... because of me you know.'

'Run away now!'

'Is it safe?'

'Not for you. You're an outsider.'

'Where are you going?'

'It's time the fat lady throws out the leftovers.'

'Can I come along?'

'No! It's not much. I will have to go hungry because of you.'

'Oh no no, I won't eat any leftovers. I just want to see this fat lady.'

'Why do you want to see her?'

'Because she must be having a lot of food not only to make her fat but also to throw away.'

'Run away, I said! She won't like you. You are too black.'

'I am august.'

'Quit following me.'

'Is that her?'


'Mmm... yum! It was more tasty today.'

'Are you full?'

'Do I look sleepy?'


'Then I am not.'

'I am sorry.'

'Why are you staring at the house? Don't do that, she'll hurl something at you.'

'I am all right.'

'Aren't you hungry?'

'I am all right.'

'Very well.'

'Ah, look, the fat lady brings out some food for me in a dish.'

'You haughty lap ornaments have an easy life.'

'Would you like to share it?'

'Is it safe?'

'Not for you. You're an outsider.'

'But what the heck! She knows me, the fat lady.'

'Then why ask, join in. There is enough for both of us.'

'Thank you. It is for the first time that I have had a full meal.'

'I must find my way home now. I don't think it is very far away from here.'

'If you go through that hole in the wall over there, you will find yourself on a different street.'

'Is it safe?'

'Don't worry, I shall guard you.'

March 9, 2009

Slumdog ManiaFare

Everyone seems to be trying to jump on the Slumdog bandwagon these days, after it shone at the Baftas, Academy Awards and at several other awards. The well-wishers were a-plenty, dime a dozen, but they don't have much of a news potential. So it is the not-so-well-wishers who try to be Smart Alec.

Amitabh Bacchan. I don't undestand what's wrong with him, and why he's not so gung-ho like rest of the Bollywood gushing about a movie made by a British in Mumbai and winning awards in LA and London... He was of the opinion that the Oscars should not be given so much of importance and attention by the Indians, since there are many good movies in India that don't need an Oscar to certify they are good. Hmph! Not much of a competitive lark, Big B.

I heard another guy challenging the choice of the jury. And there are many like him. They were like, "what did they see in Slumdog..., only slums, beggars, poverty! Better than that was the Marathi flick Shwas (Also Oscar nominated in foreign language category)". True enough. But after all it was a phirangi awards function, wasn't it? Not your national awards, where the marathi movie did win an award. Slumdog... was an out-and-out Bollywood-ish movie complete with the nautch-gaana and similar music. The movie also had a sensible script, some excellent cinematography, etc which can be found in western movies. For us, movies like Changeling and The Curious Case of Benjamin Button et al may be oh-so-different and a novelty. But for the western jury and public it's a regular thing, and such Slumdog... movies for them are oh-so-different, entertaining. It is the same phenomenon as the Caucasians yearning for a tan, and the wheatish, for a fairer skin: a fetish for the exotica.

A. R. Rahman's music is surreal! It is intricate, fresh and contemporary. He has so far never made a signature style of music and that is what so cool about it. Every score is totally different from the other. I wouldn't be surprised if they have an award named after him in the future.

The Freida girl is going places. Being a student of PR, I could see she did some excellent job at her public relations. Even though she was in only one-third of the film she's been prancing around like a lead actress pouting and posing for the shutterbugs in internationally designed style. Intelligent! She didn't take the stupid step of 'being open to bollywood offers' and fielding the amateurish Indian entertainment media who had dug out her not so pleasant past. Her sis said she was busy with a Woody Allen project in US and the opinionated motor-mouths like Shobha De did a good job of justifying and covering up for her (she dumped her fiancé or something of that sort). That took care of her image there. Moreover, being seen at a fashion show in Paris or Milan or on the cover page of international fashion magazine is way better than being seen on the same page of an entertainment column alongside tanushri data and tushar kapur. I hope she won't be a one-film wonder. I would like to see more of her.

No comments about the slumkids, or politicos butchering the song Jai Ho, or dragging those kids to campaign with them.

P.S. I don't like to say bollywood. I prefer it as the Indian/Hindi Film Industry. Pinto should learn this too.