April 10, 2009

A Stud or a Jackass?

Various television awareness programmes and campaigns that are continually run right from news channels to music channels have got me really charged up about the elections. So whether it's Times Group's (dramatic yet effective) ad where the parents swear by their children to vote against the vices in politics or the Channel V and Tata Tea's joint venture called Vote ya Vaat endorsed by Kiran Bedi and others: I got a patriotic orgasm from all these audio-visual arousal - but sadly, not surging enough for me to get my butt off the chair and walk to the registrar's office to submit the form, but strong enough to Google the educational qualifications of the two most eligible contenders for the post of the Honourable Prime Minister of India: Mr L. K. Advani and Dr Manmohan Singh.

The Google auto-suggestions came in useful here and almost decided itself who was the better man. It showed many suggestions till I typed educational qualifications of... like Lalu Prasad Yadav, Sachin Tendulkar et al (not Advani though) but the moment I reached "dr" it dropped down a single suggestion: Educational Qualification Prime Minister Dr Manmohan Singh. On clicking on one of the links what followed was a long list of his degrees and the posts he held at strategic and dignified position.

L. K. Advani couldn't fare so well as Dr Singh on Google. No auto-suggestions dropped down even when I typed his full name. But then again he doesn't have much feathers to his credit or in his cap, just an LLB I suppose, what in Pakistan is known as BL (Bachelor of Law), whereas Dr Singh is as endowed as a full-fanned peacock.

Just today Dr Singh confessed that he might not be a public speaker as good as Advani but he added that we need more a working PM. Advani later questioned why Dr Singh was never in any political campaign during the election season. Hah! A sign of aristocracy on the part of Dr Singh I would say. He has always been the silent and controlled person with a firm hand throughout his term. This was misinterpreted by the media and poisened by the opposition as symptoms of a weakling under control of Mrs Gandhi. He hardly ever indulged in the dirty politics and kept himself away from name-calling and mud-slinging. For a country brimming with population, corruption, debts and deficits, a person with controlled behaviour and measured speech is what we direly need.

The BJP campaign ad is the mind-numbingly infuriating, aimed at duping the illiterate by showing a brooding Advani in fake pensive poses staring in vacuum and suddenly a scene of skyscrapers materialising out of blue (which belong to some western countries). I was like who're you kidding old fart?! He seems to have developed a fixation for unnecessarily criticising and cursing the opposition just for the sake of it like an uncontrollable motor-mouth on loose. But not once have I heard from him any concrete scheme or plan about anything at all. I bet the economic development of the country would be ignored if he became the PM and all the caste and race politics will be played shamelessly.

In the end what I wish and what India needs is not a Manmohan Singh or an Advani but a man serious about his business. Let him be from any party for that matter, but he shouldn't seem a downer after what we had as one term with the most qualified PM of India. We already did that mistake (sacrilege) after Dr APJ Abdul Kalam's presidential term got over. Let's get serious and practical while voting, not emotional. Our duty is to elect the right guy only, not to run the country, even though it's a democracy. So let us stand by the ablest amongst all of them, so that if he wins we can rest assured we are in good hands.

April 1, 2009

Dear Mr Pigeon

Dear Mr Pigeon,


But I don't think that's the sound you make. It's something like an asthma patient having problem while breathing: Ghmmmm ghmmm! You make me wanna hurl a stone at you, Mr Pigeon. But then I resist myself cuz you are dumb enough to stand there still humming like a freaking fool.

It tears my nerves when you try to stuff yourself through our kitchen window and flutter around the clutter flapping your wings with the even more irritating phat-phat-phat-phat noise. Aarrrgghhhh!!! Can't you see that there's a fan switched on? Who will clean up the mess if your... forget it! There's nothing in anybody's home that you can pluck and fly away. No strategic positions to build your nest either, OK? Any let's face it dude, you are not as adventurous, brisk or macho like the crows to swoop away with something. And speaking of crows, look how smartly they perch themselves at the windows waiting for food. And if I shoo them away, they immediately take off but don't have any ego hassles coming back to see if still we have any edible scrap for them. Suave!

And what's with the habit of cocking head and revolving around yourself? Vous-etes retardé? Or is your memory so short that you just forget what things are around you by the time you look in another direction? You can't even strut about without cocking your head damn it! And I would also like to request you not to have those idiotic wing brawls with other dimwits of your species because that's just so gay! There is no display of any avine barbarism, you know, like the cool falcons; you just hustle, bustle and jostle with each other and finally fall off from wherever you are struggling in what seems like lovers in embrace.

So Mr Pigeon, I just hope your species gets extinct (like the dodo's did because of lack of brains) or you could get allergic to the global warming and try to fly over the ocean and then just drop into it, exhausted, after finding out there's no place to land! I still can't figure out how you pulled off the mail-delivering coup in the olden days.

Anyway, I hate you, pea-brain!

The Blithering Idiot.